Life Repeated

This past weekend, my father-in-law passed away from cancer after having been diagnosed just 2-3 months earlier.  He had always been a healthy man who took good care of his body, yet for some unknown reason, cancer took his life.  His loss will be felt for years to come.

But this is not the first time that cancer has taken a healthy member from our family.  In 2005, my father died of cancer, and the doctors had no explanation as to why he contracted the type of cancer that eventually took his life.  I still feel the loss of his presence after so many years.

Losing a loved one is always difficult, and it raises a multitude of questions.  One question that plagues my thoughts is:  Will life repeat its pattern with me?  Will cancer somehow strike me unexpectedly, and will my sons write of their loss as I do now?  While I may not be able to answer this question, the thought of such an event breaks my heart.

Another aspect of such losses is that my sons are now grandfather-less.  As much as I can ingrain in them what is right and wrong, how best to live life and to dream big, there is something special about the relationship between a grandfather and a grandson.  I recall how my grandfathers used to tell me of the "old times", of the stories of war, and of their wisdom from many years of life.  Now, my sons will miss out on this special aspect of life.

Fortunately, my father-in-law and my father had memories with my two sons, and for the most-part, my sons have memories with their grandfathers.  In knowing that, I take peace that my son's lives were impacted by knowing their grandfathers.

Ron, you will be missed.  Dad, you are missed every day.  And boys, I love you more than words could ever express.

Michael 

The Tides of Life

Life has been quite busy lately...and somewhat challenging, but that is often how the tides of life flow.

When the tide of life is high, life seems good and easy.  We often do not reflect on what's important, but rather stay busy with the daily routines of home and work, take memorable vacations, or other things that make us happy.

But when the tide of life is low, life can seem discouraging, painful, or perhaps futile.  Just last month, my father-in-law was diagnosed with what is believed to be Stage 4 cancer.  Having lost my own father to cancer, I know what my wife must be experiencing as she watches her father suffer.  And although my wife's keeping a strong front, I know her too well--she's suffering too.

What makes this tide of life even more difficult is that I am her rock--the one that is supposed to be her strong tower in the low tides of life.  But seeing my wife and her father suffer, takes be back to my experiences with my father--my best friend--and the pain I suffered.  It is in this low-tide, that I feel helpless and wonder if I can do anything to help. 

But I can do something--I can be there for her; and in doing so, I am her rock and strong tower.  Adapting from a post I wrote in September 2012, I convey these heart-felt words to my beautiful, loving, and caring wife:

Man's greatest pain is not his own,

but rather seeing a loved one in pain.

For then, he experiences a sense of ineptness and helplessness.

If only he could bear the pain for that loved one.

If only he could lessen the extent of that pain, however small.

But sometimes man cannot bear or lessen the pain,

and can only suffer in pain with the one he loves.

But in that action, man's greatest gift is experienced;

for in that moment, he expresses love.
 

To my wife, who I know is suffering, know that I love you and am always here for you.